Pick up lines NOT to try on an angel!
by Eediva
Summary: Dean tries a whole lot of bad pick up lines on Castiel. This is misstitania’s on LJ’s fault…
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Pick up lines NOT to try on an angel!

**Rating:** PG

**Summary:** Dean tries a whole lot of bad pick up lines on Castiel. This is misstitania's on LJ's fault…

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"You look like an angel. Welcome to Earth," Dean smirked an uneven smirk. Castiel tilted his head to the left as a confused daze appeared in his eyes.

"Uh, thank you," the angel murmured, before he turned around and walked away.

Sam snorted, amused. "One down, eighteen to go..."

"Shut up Sammy," Dean said, relieved the angel left.

"You choose dare," Sam smirked. Dean made an obscene gesture at his younger brother. "It was your idea Dean. You wanted to play truth or dare."

"I didn't think you'd come up with such a stupid dare," Dean snapped, "At least I didn't wuss out and pick truth."

"Yeah, most creative question to Dean," Sam snorted, "When did you first lose your virginity?"

"Shut up," Dean muttered.

-=--==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

"Would you touch me so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel?" Dean asked. Castiel raised a brow.

"I have already gripped you tightly; you have my hand print on your shoulder," Castiel said.

"Okay, how about if I said you were sexy, would you hold your body against me?"

"What?!" The angel asked outraged. Dean held his hands up defensively.

"Or what about damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!"

"Have you been drinking?"

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"I'd marry your cat just to get in the family," Dean said, huskily with an arm around the angel. Sam stifled a snort.

"I do not have a cat," Castiel shaking his hand, as he removed Dean's arm from his vessel.

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"Dean we have a situation," Castiel asked, "A witch is trying to-"

"If I was the last man on Earth I bet we could do it in public," Dean cut the angel off. Castiel threw his hands up into the air frustrated.

"Dean! I do not know what you are talking about, but we can do it later," Castiel said, firmly.

"I'll hold you to that," Dean grinned. Sam was rolling around the ground laughing.

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"Oh, those are shoulder blades, I thought they were wings," Dean asked, as he helped the angel into the motel room. Sam placed the badly torn up coat on his bed as Dean helped the angel onto the bed.

"You've already seen my wings, and they do not come from the vessel's shoulder blades," Castiel hissed, painfully as Sam poked him with a needle and threaded the gash across his shoulder up.

"Not a good time now Dean," Sam warned.

"Well, that one only works when he is half-naked," Dean snapped. Castiel looked up at the human questioningly. "Don't worry about it Cass."

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=---==-=-=-

"I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?" Dean asked. Castiel looked around the bar wondering who the human was talking to.

"You have your own motel room Dean?" he asked confused. "I don't have an apartment. You know that."

Dean chortled.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

"Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven," Dean asked, numbly, as the angel knelt beside him, worried. The human received a hard blow to the head from a flying toilet seat, and awoken looking dazed and confused.

"No, Dean, you are still here on Earth," Castiel smiled, assuring the human.

"Dean! Are you okay!?"

"That's number nine, Sammy," Dean grinned, his eyes rolling in his skull before he slipped back into the land of nod.

==-=-=-=-=--===----==-=-=-=-=-=--==-==-=-

"Were your parents Greek gods, 'cause it takes two gods to make a goddess," Dean grinned.

"The Greek gods are blasphemous creatures created to destroy humanity," Castiel hissed, "And last time I checked I was a male."

Sam sputtered the mouthful of beer in his mouth as the angel checked, pulling at his pants.

"Are they all there?" Dean asked, chuckling.

"It appears so," Castiel replied.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Dean watched as the angel stared out the window into the dark night sky.

"What time do you have to be back in heaven?" Dean grinned.

"Not anytime soon," Castiel murmured quietly almost sadly.

"Are you religious? Cause you are the answers to all my prayers," Dean asked.

The angel huffed and walked off.

"What?"

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=---==-=-=-=-=-=-

"Baby, somebody better call God, cuz he's missing an angel," Dean grinned when Castiel appeared with Uriel on a Thursday. Castiel rolled his eyes.

"This is what I have been telling you," Castiel complained to his brother. "Dean, my Father knows I am here, he sent me!"

Uriel looked at the human amused as Sam tried to stifle another laugh.

"All those curves, and me with no brakes," Dean laughed, giving the angel the elevator eyes.

"Huh?" Castiel asked, as Uriel gave a growl.

-=--==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

"I didn't know that angels could fly so low," said Dean when the angel was thrown from a three-storey building by Alastair.

"I didn't exactly fly Dean," Castiel muttered, as he was helped up by the human.

"Hey Cass, you reckon when I marry I wonder if God will be mad that I stole one of his angels?" Dean asked, seriously. Castiel looked vaguely disturb. "What?"

"Nothing."

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"You are so beautiful that I would marry your brother just to get into your family," Dean said, softly.

"You would marry Uriel?" Castiel asked, startled.

"Uh, yeah, good point," Dean shuddered. "Hey Cass, your lips look so lonely.... Would they like to meet mine?"

"Uh," the angel swallowed. "Okay."

Dean grinned, as he placed a gentle palm on the angel's cheek and moved forward, lips parted and his eyes closed. The kiss was short and chaste.

=-=-=-=-=-=--==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

"Sammy, only one more pickup line left," Dean grinned. "And then it's my turn! And you better pick dare!"

"Fine," Sam grinned, "Which ones left?"

"You'll see when we meet the archangels today," Dean grinned.

"Dean, no," Sam shook his head, "They'll kill you!"

"No they won't," Dean argued. "They will find it funny."

"Dean, angels have no feelings," Sam snapped, "They wont find it funny!"

"Anna was bullshitting," Dean assured, "Cass feels!"

=--==-=--=-==-=-=-=-=-

So before nineteen Seraphim, including Castiel and Uriel, seventeen Ophanim, three Cherubim, twelve Thrones and the four Archangels, Dean stood before his angel and asked.

"Nice pants, can I test the zipper?"

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Epilogue: Dean is now nursing a really bad head ache, three broken fingers, a bruised eye and a deflated ego. Bright side was he was nursed to health by his favourite angel.

Sam's dare by the way, was to kiss Uriel. One way or another.

Hope you'll enjoyed.

Peace and Chicken Grease

Afro


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:**Don't kiss Uriel, you don't know where he's been

**Rating:** PG

**Summary:** Sam's dare was to kiss Uriel one way or another.

I've made two versions, one is Sam kisses Uriel and one is, well wait and read…

Let me know which one you like more!

**Version 1.**

The youngest Winchester eyed the dark angel with a certain fear radiating from his soul. Sam and Dean returned from a successful hunt ready to turn in for the night when they found Castiel and Uriel standing in front of the television watching what appeared to be wrestling.

Castiel smiled at Dean as Uriel practically broke the remote as he turned off the TV, mumbling about John Cena and his stupidity. Dean nudged his brother forcefully, and cleared his throat.

"Everything okay Cass? How's Mike?" Dean asked, referring to the archangel Michael who had broken one of his fingers several weeks before. He nudged Sam again, and the taller man slowly edged closer to Uriel who seemed more focused on glaring at Dean, warningly. His eyes practically read; 'touch my brother, and I will smite you.'

"Everything thing is okay," Castiel said, "But for how long, I do not know."

"So what? This is a social call?"

"No, Gabriel thought it was important for you both to know that Lylith has broken another six seals," Castiel replied, "Err, the last one was not pretty. It caused Azrael quite some grief."

"Is he okay?" Dean asked. Azrael was the one who had given him the black eye, and Gabriel the deflated ego. Sam was practically an inch away from the seraph by now, and Uriel seemed intrigued by a blowfly flying around his head. He soon killed it with a roar and smack.

Sam swallowed, as Dean glowered at him. Castiel raised a brow as Uriel turned and faced Sam with a wide-eyed glare he had perfected.

"Distance, mud monkey," Uriel growled. Sam almost backed away but like usual his older brother was always looking out for him. He collided into the seraph, and reacted quickly, cupping the angel's face with his palms as their faces collided in a ugly frenzy of smooches.

Sam yelped as Uriel roared in his mouth, before he jumped out of the closed window, screaming and begging for the Lord's help.

Uriel charged after him like a raging bull, his roars heard from the highest points in the heavens where Michael and God where busy playing a game of chess, to the deepest depths of hell, where Lucifer was screaming murder as West Life sung cheerfully to Uptown Girl…

-=0=-=0=-=0=-=0=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-

**Version 2**

_The youngest Winchester eyed the dark angel with a certain fear radiating from his soul. Sam and Dean returned from a successful hunt ready to turn in for the night when they found Castiel and Uriel standing in front of the television watching what appeared to be wrestling._

_Castiel smiled at Dean as Uriel practically broke the remote as he turned off the TV, mumbling about John Cena and his stupidity. Dean nudged his brother forcefully, and cleared his throat. _

"_Everything okay Cass? How's Mike?" Dean asked, referring to the archangel Michael who had broken one of his fingers several weeks before. He nudged Sam again, and the taller man slowly edged closer to Uriel who seemed more focused on glaring at Dean, warningly. His eyes practically read; 'touch my brother, and I will smite you.'_

"_Everything thing is okay," Castiel said, "But for how long, I do not know."_

"_So what? This is a social call?"_

"_No, Gabriel thought it was important for you both to know that Lylith has broken another six seals," Castiel replied, "Err, the last one was not pretty. It caused Azrael quite some grief."_

"_Is he okay?" Dean asked. Azrael was the one who had given him the black eye, and Gabriel the deflated ego. Sam was practically an inch away from the seraph by now, and Uriel seemed intrigued by a blowfly flying around his head. He soon killed it with a roar and smack._

Sam swallowed, as Dean glowered at him. Castiel raised a brow as Uriel turned and faced Sam with a wide-eyed glare he had perfected. Sam almost backed away when suddenly Uriel grabbed the petrified human and planted a sloppy and unskilled kiss on the human's unsuspecting lips. Sam moaned in his mouth as Dean's jaw dropped to the ground and Castiel passed out.

Sam swooned on his feet, looking rather pleased and high as Uriel licked his lips, intoxicated by the taste of prawns and garlic.

"That so doesn't count," Dean grumbled, after the two angels left. (Uriel carried the smaller angel out. "I said you have to kiss him. He- he uh, he kissed you."

Sam grinned, ecstatically. What the hell was he doing with Ruby all this time, when he could have had a bloody angel to play with!?

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Yes I was too lazy to rewrite a different beginning, so there…

Well, I'd reply to the review like usual but there are thirty six or more and I'm tired, my head hurts, so does my thumb, and I think I'm catching a cold… (Whine, whine, whine…) Wouldn't mind some wine now actually…

Any way, thanks everyone for the awesome reviews they were much loved!

Anywhoo, bed is calling…

Peace and chicken grease

Afro.


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